I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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