Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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