jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize