Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize