I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
