if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it glows. i had to have it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
