I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
