She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
