I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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