just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize