I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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