we have officially lost it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
