My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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