you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
