hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
