I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
