yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
