I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
