I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
