dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
