I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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