we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
