i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
