so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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