Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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