Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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