i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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