u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
