I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
