im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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