Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.