This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.