weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.