Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles