here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
