1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober