If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far