Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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