who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
