absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
