News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize