you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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