and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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