In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
