would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hippo gnu deer
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
