Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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