I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
