In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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