My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
