5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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