He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
