We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
