We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
