My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
