So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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