I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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