her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
