omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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