Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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