If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
