I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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