Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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