They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This baby is an asshole
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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