You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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