I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
