Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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